As a little girl, I always dreamed of being a mom. Not just any mom, I was going to have daughters. My daughters were going to wear dresses and cute little strappy sandles. My daugthers were going to wear little hair barrettes and lots of pink and purple. My daughters were going to be tap dancers and gymnasts. My daugthers were going to play doll babies and cabbage patch. My daughters would get their ears pierced when they were old enough to remember getting it done. My daugthers would love painting their toe nails with mommy.
When I got pregnant with Ryan, I knew he was a girl. He had to be a girl. I dreamed of having a daugther for as long as I could remember. I already had a closet full of little girl onesies and dresses. Her name has been picked out since I was a little girl. When Tim & I went to the ultrasound that early and cold December morning, we were going in for a scan, to check measurements and fluids. The tech was showing us our baby and I was laying there smiling the entire time, thinking how perfect my baby was. When Tim ruined it and said "Wait, are you sure you can't tell until 20 weeks along?" to which the tech replied, "Did you see it?" & All I could think was "SEE WHAT?? WHAT DID YOU SEE??" So..the tech went back over the goods and sure enough, my daughter had boy parts. Wait.. Boy parts? No way. I was supposed to have a little girl. I let out a big sigh and Tim looked at me and said "Do you want me to tell him that one day?" I told him no. I was in shock.
The tech printed out our handful of pictures. I stared at my baby. My baby was still perfect even if *he* wasn't a *she.* As we walked back to the car, Tim asked to see the pictures again, I showed him. You would have thought he just won a million bucks, probably more. He hugged me. At this point, I was already pregnant for 13 weeks, and I knew I was pregnant for 8. The entire time I was pregnant Tim said over and over that he didn't care if the baby was a boy or a girl. But as he stared at the ultrasound pictures, I knew he wanted a boy. And then he said it, he finally let his secret out. He wanted a boy. Me? Eh. I'd have to get used to being a mommy to a little boy.
Tim dropped me off at work that morning. I told everyone we were having a boy. Saying it out loud, I started getting more excited. By the next few days, I had already forgotten I wanted a girl. I was going to have a little boy. I was going to have a son. His name was going to be Ryan Michael.
Tim & I picked out a million little baby boy outfits and for the first time, the little boy clothes were actually cuter than the little girl clothes.
After Ryan's arrival, Tim looked at me and said "Can you believe you actually wanted Ryan to be a girl?" No way! I never wanted a girl, I always wanted Ryan to be Ryan. He came out just as perfect as could be. He still is ;)
So I traded in the dolls for tonka trucks and hot wheels. I traded in the cute little dresses and strappy sandles for cargo shorts and polos. I don't get to put pigtails in my baby's hair, instead it gets even better- I don't even have to brush his hair! I won't get to watch them dance or do gymnastics, but hopefully one day I get to watch them play in baseball and football games.
When I got pregnant with Jake, I guess I didn't really care what the baby was going to be. If it was a girl, I'd be happy. If it was a boy, I'd be happy. & then there's Tim- who was just as happy as ever that our next baby was a little boy. You know what we created? We created brothers. Life long best friends.
Ryan has been in love with Jake since the day we brought him home. Sure, at first it was hard for him to share his mommy. But that only lasted a few weeks. Ryan has always wanted to help out with Jakey. Ryan loves to hug and kiss his little brother. He has always tried playing with him. He enjoys being in the same room as him.
Now that Jake is getting older, I can see that he loves Ryan just as much as Ryan loves him. Jake's always climbing all over Ryan. My heart melts just watching them play together. In fact, my heart is happy right now just looking at their pictures.
I'm happy to be a mommy to two little boys. Two perfect little boys. I wouldn't trade anything for the two rooms down the hall filled with hot wheels, car ramps, cargo shorts, monster jammies, polo shirts, did I mention hot wheels?? Those things fill my house.
Oh, and I did get to paint Ryan's toe nails bright purple once. <3 Haha. Daddy made me take it off.